Alan Shore: Fine lawyering and legal Poopy-cock!

What is it about an out-of-shape, rude, pompous, egotistical, albeit handsome lawyer that challenges authority at every turn, and still manages to have the female cast as well as the audience eating out of his very hand?

Played by James Spader, Alan Shore is everything about lawyers we don’t like. He is witty, smarmy, egotistical, charming, rude, successful, pompous, vulnerable, and rich, dresses impeccably, treats women like possessions, and to make matters worse, he always wins!

However, regardless of those characteristics that most of us would find utterly loathsome in any other human being, we find ourselves instead drawn to him. Referring to his childish quirks, sexist remarks, and overall pompous attitude in fond recollections of past episodes and one-liners gleamed from his characters mouth.

Alan was born in 1962 in Dedham, Massachusetts. His childhood friends were Paul Stewart, whom he first met in kindergarten, and Paul Dougan, who later became a priest. Alan slept with Paul Stewart’s mother, Victoria, when he was 16. One of his neighbors was Catherine Piper, his future secretary. According to one of his courtroom speeches, Alan has a sister, although he might have made her up for the purposes of that speech. He was also married once, but his wife died.

At one point in his life, Alan had to seek the help of a sexual surrogate to help him deal with perhaps his most shocking paraphilia - an attraction of sorts to his mother, and the way she touched him (non-sexually) as a child.

In one episode, Alan speaks about his dead wife, and how she was able to accurately guess what he would think and do. He said it was frustrating “for people who strive to be original”. He speaks of her in a loving way however and expresses the otherwise unseen emotion of regret, for her passing. It is noted that he is irritated at her uncommon ability to guess his every thought, even when he was trying to be unpredictable. Often, many of Alan’s behaviors support this claim.

During the final season of The Practice, Alan was hired to be a lawyer at Young, Frutt & Berlutti. He brought in vast amounts of money to the firm (over $9 million by his count), but his highly unethical behavior eventually forced the firm to fire him with $15,000 in severance pay. Alan sued for more money, winning his case with a judgment of $2.3 million that resulted in financial hardships on Young, Frutt & Berlutti.

Alan is considered to be an unethical attorney due to the sometimes questionable means he employs to help his clients. On the other hand, he seems to be able to help his clients and fellow attorneys when no one else can, due to his quick wit and apparent lack of fear for the consequences of his illegal actions. Alan once had an unlicensed doctor remove a bullet from one of Lori Colson’s clients after the client refused to have it extracted in a hospital due to the fact it might convict him; Alan helped him out because the bullet might have had a life-threatening impact on the man. He also advised a client to flee the country after Jerry Espenson unintentionally ruined his trial.

Alan is pompous, arrogant, and conceited, with an insatiable sexual appetite that he usually takes out on professional women. Like Denny, he is a womanizer. Alan has had relationships with Sally Heep and Tara Wilson, the latter having had a major effect on his psyche. His sexual harassment of Nora Jacobs, his former secretary (which mainly included him giving a score on a scale of one to five with regards to what kind of sweater she was wearing), drew a rebuke from Shirley Schmidt. Alan’s ex-girlfriend once tried to run him over with a car, and he later served as her lawyer to get her out of the mental hospital she was in as a result.

Alan also has some strange quirks. He suffers regularly from dangerous sleepwalking associated with night terrors, has an irrational fear of clowns, and at least in one episode spoke in word salad, which was caused by anxiety. He was once charged with inciting a riot after he and Tara pretended to try and pick each other up at a college fraternity bar; Tara did this because she wanted to see how Alan tries to pick up women. During this chain of events, a rather large man tried to pick up Tara and eventually punched Alan, then condescendingly claimed that he was only reaching for his wallet; in response, Alan offered several bar patrons $300 to beat up his assailant. At trial, he was acquitted after giving a speech to the jury which (may have) convinced them that his seemingly cold and calculated incitement was simply a coward’s way of avoiding the fight.

Alan also aided Shirley in keeping nude photographs taken of her in her youth from circulation by the simple expedient of buying them himself and keeping them at his home. More recently, he discouraged a predatory court conservator who had gotten himself appointed custodian of an elderly woman’s estate (who was a also friend of Catherine Piper’s) by having two large men break into the man’s home, bind and gag him, and steal records.

Alan is a complex character. During The Practice, Ellenor Frutt, a close friend of Alan’s, described him as a “self-loathing person, who breeds contempt from other people through his actions.” During Season One of Boston Legal, Alan was again analyzed by Sally Heep. He had seemingly used her for purposes of blackmailing a witness, but Sally thought it was the reverse at the end of the show. Instead of Alan using her, Sally felt that he was using the witness like a tool of sorts to show how despicable and utterly unethical he was. Alan used the word “run”, and was perhaps trying to manipulate Sally to stay away from him. Sally countered that it was “the incredibly decent man” lying buried underneath the bad stuff who was trying to warn her.

Tara also stated that Alan has three sides: the good side, the bad, and the naughty side. The good side is his honorable intentions during court defending innocent people, but the bad side of him could not bear that burden of being the good. So, in an attempt to get to Alan, Tara tried appealing to his naughty side. The aforementioned bar fight has also seemingly reflected Alan’s personality. Tara has stated before that “it’s always about Alan Shore”; ‘always’ being the key point.

Alan has a grandiose sense of himself, and believes that the world is just about him. There is a section of dialogue between Alan and Denny Crane where the former states that the best part about Denny is that he doesn’t seem to be in the room at all. Alan has an interesting narrative that he remains absolutely alone during a relationship, which only serves to reinforce his self-hating, narcissistic attitude.

Alan views himself as the office’s resident playboy and clearly views this territory as his own. This is evidenced in the very first scene of the first episode when another lawyer, Brad Chase, turns from getting coffee to witness Alan slide Brad’s papers across the table. Alan then sits down in that spot. Brad says to Alan that his stuff was just there and Alan responds, “Yes, I moved them to a less desirable location.” Then, as Brad stares incredulously at Alan, Alan says, “I’m sorry, are we territorial about things like that around here?”

In the same episode, Brad is found discussing something with Alan’s current office fling, Sally Heep. Alan is clearly ruffled to find them together, and Brad says, “I’m sorry, are we territorial about things like that around here?” This is only the first of many run-ins between Alan and Brad where the two are vying for the attentions of the other female attorneys in the office.

Denny Crane: The man, the myth, the legend!

In order to understand the relationship between Danny and Alan more completely, we should first look at a brief character biography to get a full grasp of the depth of the characters.

Denny is a founding partner of the law firm, Crane, Poole & Schmidt, along with Shirley Schmidt and Edwin M. Poole. He frequently makes a point of this to his fellow partners, including the fact that his name is first. In addition, Denny often punctuates his statements by announcing his own name, “Denny Crane.” On a case involving seniors and prescription drug prices, Denny forgot the details of the case and gave an opening statement that resulted in a mistrial, to his client’s benefit. He then finally took Alan Shore’s suggestion seriously that he might have Alzheimer’s and went to get tested for it. Late in the first season, Denny admitted to Alan that he had been taking a type of amphetamine drug to help him focus on trial procedures; he later stopped taking the drug. After trying a case involving the safety of red meat, Denny comes to believe that his condition is due to mad cow disease.

Denny is a staunch conservative Republican who strongly opposes gun control, claiming that “it’s for communists.” On the recommendation of his friend Tom DeLay he keeps a wide variety of loaded guns in his office (including the camouflaged AR-7 he saved Alan with). Denny feels that elevators “are for Democrats” and he only takes the stairs. In one episode, when he is representing the United States in court, he refers to the Attorney General by his first name, “Alberto.”

Denny reveals in the episode “Live Big” that he euthanized his demented father (”The man with the brain of a two year-old”) by pressuring the supervising doctor to increase his patient’s morphine dose (”We put him out of our misery,” Denny tells Alan).

Denny is at times portrayed as extremely unethical. He will resort to means that other lawyers would not (other than Alan, of course) in order to win a case. In one episode, he convinced a judge to drop all charges against his nymphomaniac client by playing on the judge’s self-esteem problems stemming from his being a virgin. Denny also has at many times made remarks about sleeping with people’s wives. Indeed, in the Pilot episode, one of his clients comes to him with the concern that his 6^th wife was having an affair and wanted the firm to hire a private investigator to find out who the man was. It turned out to be Denny. He once claimed that he had a threesome with Shirley Schmidt and Barbra Streisand; Shirley then told him that she had hired a male Barbara Streisand impersonator.

Denny has also bragged that he has never lost a case, claiming that his record is 6,043-0 (”Loose Lips”). He has also said that he is the greatest attorney in history. Paul Lewiston once observed that Denny is like Mohammed Ali late in his career, relying more on his past reputation than his current skills. Sometimes Denny’s pronouncements of his name are less about making a joke and more about invoking that old Denny Crane reputation to intimidate others.

An avid rifleman, Denny once claimed to be a Marine Corps veteran, but he couldn’t remember whether he was a pilot or a sniper in an episode where he shot a man who was threatening to shoot Alan; he had Tara Wilson open the intervening door by yelling “Pull!” after which he shot the assailant.

In another second season episode, Denny was forced against his will by a judge to provide pro bono representation to an accused child rapist/killer. The killer privately bragged to Denny about having committed the crime, and Crane “accidentally” shot both his kneecaps with a gun he had smuggled past courthouse security in his briefcase; this incident landed Denny one of his numerous appearances on Larry King’s cable-TV talk show. In another episode, Denny threatens to shoot his therapist in the shoulder, which he later does in self-defense. He later fires on his therapist again in court when Alan is threatened with a gun.

Denny’s expertise and skill in media manipulation, as well as his reputation, have made him the public face of Crane, Poole & Schmidt — far more often than any of the other senior partners would like. His aggressive personality, massive ego, excessive libido, and eagerness for the limelight have caused him to lose five wives, the most recent after only three hours of marriage when he was caught having sex with a catering server in the coatroom at his own wedding reception. But as a named partner and the firm’s resident rainmaker, Denny cannot be removed from the firm without great difficulty and economic risk (as he often points out, “My name’s on the door”).

When surrounded by reporters as he escorts his clients either into or out of court, he often says his name and adds something that is not directly related to the case (e.g. in “The Black Widow” (season 2, #18) he repeatedly says: “Denny Crane! She loves me − she loves me not!”). In addition, he has made references to the effect that he knows that many of the other partners thinks he’s nuts, “Denny Crane, Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!” This is yet another comment made directly to the audience by Denny.

The reason Denny always says his name out loud is, according to him, that people can’t believe they are actually in the room with legendary Denny Crane, so he says his name to assure them that it’s real (as stated by him in his guest appearance in “The Practice”). According to Shirley Schmidt (in Season 1 episode “Schmidt Happens”), Denny says his name out loud in order to remember it, which refers to his possible Alzheimer’s disease.

Denny Crane, Alan Shore, & other Legal Shenanigans

Boston Legal is the best show on television. Period.

Why? What makes one show so good and another so bad? Isn’t it just a subjective thing? Indeed, one could argue that after its first season, Boston Legal was due to be cancelled; therefore it must not be that good. Do ratings make a show good? Just because millions of people park themselves in front of their TV’s on a particular night for a particular show, does it mean that the show with the highest ratings is the best?

The answer, quite frankly, is not a simple yes or no. Of course ratings have something to do with it. And, after all, network TV is a for-profit business. Therefore, if it makes money for the network, then it must be deemed worthy of continued production by the network. Right? Maybe. History is littered with shows that were popular but got the ax, and others that didn’t have the ratings, but stayed on much longer than we all wanted!

Reality shows aside (although they are in direct competition with all other television programming) network TV will succeed on the strength of their comedies and dramas.

There’s an argument that could be made about good writing being the key to a successful show. The artful, poetic ability one person has over another to weave a tale worthy of the greatest of literary authors is truly a gift. But without the actress to deliver the line or emotion in just the right way, that gift may as well be wrapped in a plain brown bag. Acting and writing, you say, together then they must be the keys!

What about the director? Isn’t he the key to it all? If the writing is just so-so, and the acting adequate, can’t the director make up for those faults and still deliver a quality show by choosing the right angle, location, and music? Sometimes.

How many Best Actress Oscar recipients thank their director for making them look just right? All of them. How many Best Director Oscar winners thank their cast? Their writers? All of them. Each and every one of them know that in order to be the best, it takes the perfect blend of writing, acting, directing, music, editing, location, etc. Ultimately, the show will succeed on the basis of its ability to create loveable, believable, characters that stir strong feelings in their audience and allow them to relate to the characters.

Boston Legal is such a blend! The writing is superb. The directing is excellent. The acting transcends performance. And all the other elements add to this symphony of talent to make it a very good show.

But what makes it THE BEST?

One simple word, relationships.

We fell in love with Seinfeld, a show admittedly marketed as a show “about nothing”, because we fell in love with the friendships between Elaine, Jerry, George, and Kramer. We cleared our calendars every week just to witness what would happen with Monica, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, Rachel, and Ross. We cried when we thought Meredith Grey was going to die on Grey’s Anatomy. The list is endless. The actors that portray these characters are forever destined to be referred to, not by their real names, but by the fictional characters they brought to life with such clarity and sincerity that we don’t believe they could be anyone other than that character.

Relationships. Not only do the characters of Boston Legal have relationships with their fellow cast members, but we believe that they share a special relationship with us the viewers as well. This is where Boston Legal excels as a TV show. The relationship the cast shares with us as the viewer is a conscious, actively cultivated relationship. Primarily the relationship between Denny Crane and Alan Shore. Of course with such a huge cast and numerous guest appearances, there are countless relationships that we are treated too as well, but the real message each week comes out through the interactions between Denny and Alan; specifically during the closing few minutes of each show, when Denny & Alan retire to the balcony outside Denny’s office and share their thoughts over cigars and a glass of scotch. It is here where we are treated to the kind of unconditional love, tenderness and honesty that can only exist between two best friends.

The banter shared between Denny and Alan with the audience is unique. They are allowing the viewer a glimpse into their most private thoughts, while at the same time almost winking at the audience as they share in the absurdity of each episode. They are aware of our spying on them each and every episode and they are not afraid to let us know that they know. Denny continually breaks the television “fourth wall”. Denny is constantly making remarks to indicate that he is aware of his status as a character in a television show, particularly in the second and third seasons.

• In the third season episode “Fat Burner”, Denny turns to Alan after the prosecution’s summation and asks, “Why is the other side’s closing argument always so short?”, referring to how the show’s writers only focus on the main characters’ summations.
• Alan greets Denny at the end of one episode with the remark, “Ah, there you are. I’ve hardly seen you this episode.”
• At the end of another “Squid Pro Quo”, when Denny and Alan anticipate what to expect from a sexy new attorney, Marlene Stanger, Denny sums up the situation by saying, “I can’t wait to see her next week.”
• In “BL Los Angeles”, Denny asks Shirley to kiss him, saying, “It’s the Sweeps episode.”
• In the third season episode “New Kids on the Block”, when he was told there were new lawyers in the firm, Denny responded: “Oh, please! If there were new guys they’d have shown up in the season premiere.” Then he welcomed them by saying “Welcome to Boston Legal“, acknowledging the name of the show rather than the name of the fictional firm. He then further breaks the fourth wall by asking to “cue the music.” None of the other characters seem to perceive this as unusual, except for Jeffrey Coho, who seems surprised to hear the show’s theme music and looks around, seemingly for its source.
• Discussing euthanasia with Alan in the episode “Live Big”, Denny says, “I’m tired of my Alzheimer’s being a story point,” to which Alan replies “This isn’t your story, Denny.”
• In the second season finale, Alan remarks to Denny, “I’ll see you next season”, to which Denny replies, “hopefully on the same night.”
• In the episode “The Cancer Man Can”, Denny’s new clamshell phone makes the familiar, yet out of place sound of a Star Trek communicator when opened.
• In the episode “There’s Fire” he asks his new wife Bev, “What am I supposed to do, beam myself to Boston every morning?” (William Shatner’s more famous role as Captain Kirk in Star Trek (not to mention Rene Auberjonois’ role as Odo from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine is a frequent source of such references.)
• In the episode “Lincoln” Alan says that the trial is on Tuesday at 10:00, which is the show’s normal Eastern Time slot, though the trial presumably started in the morning, rather than 10:00 PM.
• In the episode “Angel of Death”, Denny plays the first few notes of the show’s theme song on his “trombone-kazoo”, in coincidence with the real song playing over the opening credits.
• In the episode “Finding Nimmo”, Alan’s reading a book about the extinction of the North Pacific Salmon noting that “it’s caused by sea-lice called cling-ons. Denny replies “Did you just say Klingons?” which was an alien race in Star Trek.
• In the episode “Gone”, Denny and Alan are talking about Alan defending the man Denny shot with a paintball gun. Denny says, “I wish you had let me in on the game. I can act you know. I won an Emmy,” referring to the Emmy Shatner won for the show.